I'M ENGAGED!

It's midnight and I can't sleep. I have class at 8 am tomorrow and I have a fuckton of stuff to do beforehand (like print out notes because my computer doesn't want to cooperate, after I go through and edit the whole lecture because instructors like to use black backgrounds with white text which makes my life that much more complicated).

Should I even bother? Maybe I should just stay up all night or something because I am WIDE FUCKING AWAKE.

Wow, I'm going to die this term. I got into a finance class so I have 18 credits. 19 if I get into swimming

My day:
7:30 wake up, rush around like a nut to get ready for class. Don't bother eating or showering.
8:00 get to financing which I'm waitlisted for.
9:00 am be told that a) this class is over at 10, not 9 like I thought and b) not to bother staying if I'm waitlisted. Leave. Check email in another building, see email that says I made it in after all, rush back.
10:am Rush to Feeds and Ration Forumaltion, after getting a yogurt
11 am. Get a break, rush to bookstore to buy book for next class. Frantically try to read chapter two.
12 pm. Get to Intro to Fiction writing.
1 pm. Another break. Rush to dorm, rush to grab lunch, rush to 2 pm class.
2 pm. Get to microbiology.
3 pm. Rush to public speaking.
4 pm. Rush to bus stop to go pick up my car which I left with bf since I didn't know where to park without a permit. Go to bank. Get there just before 5.

Now I'm here.

I have so much fucking studying to do. I am going to skip my workout In addition I want to make it to Bed Bath and Beyond and Fred Meyer before they close.

a little frazzled

I think for whatever the reason, today's the first time it really hit me that I am set to inherit about a million dollars. In less than 20 years.

Which is an exciting thought at first, but then you're like crap, they have to DIE first.

And then you feel like the greediest most awful person ever for basically viewing your parents as a cash cow.

Poo. :(
 

Yeeeeahhh...

C definitely got the short end of the stick as far as "in laws" go. Poor guy.

I got to chatting with his sis. Apparently at first their parents thought it was her in the stripper pic on my profile LOL. We both are about the same size and have long brown hair so yeah. Good thing they cleared that up considering she's only 15 XD

I don't remember if I posted about my boyfriend's parents finding out about me being a stripper. Anyway, they did. Somehow they landed onto my stripper myspace after I visited (still don't get how that works, but anyway, moot point). He texted me and I was horrified. I was at my best friend's house and I started shaking and was about to run into the bathroom to hurl.

Well let the records show that as a whole, I prefer his family to my own.

I guess that he and his mom talked about it and she said that she didn't see me differently, that a relative of hers (that i met but barely remember) used to do it and she could have seen herself doing it at one point. Her concern is with is my relationship with C. Which made me feel a lot better and I am not dreading my visit with them during which I'll talk to them TOO much. She said she could see the positives to it, and well by the time I would be able to try to explain any positives to my family they would have already shot somebody.

Mine-opinionated, very religious and conservative, some are not very nice. Pretty distant, can be hard to talk to.

His- still religious and fairly conservative but nonjudgemental and for the most part very sweet. His mom in particular has treated me like her daughter since we started dating, and I think I've met more of his relatives than my own. His stepdad can be a bit of a smartass but I like all his family, whether his mom's, stepdad's, dad's, or stepmom's.

So on the bright side if for whatever reason my family disowns me (likely scenario if they found out I strip/stripped) I have another, LOL

On black friday the local jewelery store was having a 1/2 off sale so I figured, perfect. I was going to get it off of overstock.com or something but I really prefer seeing the ring, knowing it's an individual piece, and supporting a local business (gbjewelers.com if anyone's interested, they've been around forever it's run by twin brothers) Pics don't do the ring justice

I had four rings to choose from and I had no idea at first which to get or even if I wanted any of them but the longer I looked the more I fell in love with this one. It's brushed inlaid 14k white gold, comfort fit band, and a teeny inlaid diamond (perfect since I'm the one proposing, LOL!).

The cute little box I picked for it:

[img]http://s17.photobucket.com/albums/b99/iambonbon05/th_DSCF0388.jpg[/img]

[img]http://s17.photobucket.com/albums/b99/iambonbon05/th_DSCF0398.jpg[/img]


Aaaand the ring! I had to steal my mom's camera to get a good pic (mine sucks and hers has a macro setting) and she's gone so todays the day I show it off :D

[img]http://s17.photobucket.com/albums/b99/iambonbon05/th_DSCF0395.jpg[/img]

[img]http://s17.photobucket.com/albums/b99/iambonbon05/th_DSCF0396.jpg[/img]

Now I just have to not lose it and not let anybody find it until the big day! I'm so excited!

I am so very frustrated with people right now.

A close friend- All excited, I told her that I was planning on proposing to C. Can I just say I didn't get the reaction I was looking for or expecting. She just launched right in on giving me the third degree about why I'd do that and why he hasn't done it and how he might be upset if I took away his manly duty. Sorry, I forgot that it's 1800. Anyway we hashed things out and I was still holding a bit of a grudge after trusting her with that info first only to get the third degree instead of some iota of happiness for me. Today I sent her a pic of the ring I bought a couple days ago and it's clear that she's still not comfortable with the idea, so I guess I'll quit bothering her with it. We are still friends and all, it didn't turn into a major fight or anything but it gets under my skin.

My sister- is basically trying to break up C and me. She initiated an email religious/political discussion with him several months ago and has concluded that he is a jerk because he does not have the same views as her (neither do I). I told her to knock it off and we'll see what comes of that- probably nothing good. I do not like her husband but I recognize that she's the one married to him, not me, so I leave that alone.

Ex friend- we've been friends since preschool but since high school she's seemed determined to find new cooler friends. It changes, and her views totally change depending on who the flavor of the week is. In any case I don't mind that so much it just shows that she is a bit transparent. After years of her mostly ignoring any effort I put in to make contact with her, I've decided to cut her out. I hear she's even in the same town I am in right now and never tried to contact me even though she knows I'm lonely (I'm living in one town while she and most others are in another several hours away) and she has the options of phone, email, messenger, myspace or facebook or even just showing up at my house to get a hold of me. I'm done. She obviously does not give a crap and that hurts so I am letting go. She is out of my phone, address book, everything. There are other friends that drift but the only explanation in her case is that she does not care.

Man, my horse seems more and more superior to people every day.

So I emailed the new director of the equine program at OSU to ask if it's too late to get into the colt training program. She finally got back to me and apparently I need to make a video of myself handling my horse. She wants to see me mount and dismount from both sides and handle him from the ground and ride him.

Which presents some problems. I really want to get into the program. So first of all, my horse is kind of ugly and out of shape, though I don't think that matters much. Still, I will at least get him clean (no small feat on the coast in November with lots of access to mud). And though he's rusty he (with some warming up) will do a decent walk, jog, lope (hopefully on the correct lead!) and spin. I think that's what she's looking for. I've tried out before (still highly embarrassed that I did not get in but slightly consoled by the fact that I was a sophomore and a crapload of people were there) though with a different director.

Then there's the location issue. I normally practice in a little side yard sort of a thing but it is not totally level and is rather small. I would like to go into the nearest field however it has new owners and I am not sure that they'll let me. I could beg someone to let me use their arena but then I either have to haul Travis or ask to use their horse (who may or may not know how to do the things mentioned earlier).

Then there's the filming issue. We have a very old video camera, which is actually sort of an advantage because it takes the big VHS tapes so I can just send it right off (though DVD would be better). And who do I get to film me? My mom is mildly retarded behind a camcorder. She doesn't keep the subject in the frame and cannot seem to stay quiet (I would rather not send in a video of her telling me that Travis is being stupid or of her farting).

Finally there's little details. Should I use a mounting block to mount? Is it wimpy to use a mounting block, or abusive to not use one? And I admit, it's a little awkward for me to mount from the off side, just habit. What tack should I use? Should I wear a helmet? 

BAH
*sigh* Need to get it in by the end of dead week which is early december so I need to do this pronto.

I went to a Stone Temple Pilots concert last night. It was the shit. Pics and details to come.

I'm moving back to my parents' in Astoria.

Lots of reasons to do this, the most obvious being not having to pay rent. I am planning on coming back to school in January though it honestly could be longer. Anyway, I'm hoping to convince my parents of sending me back to school (which they've already offered to do provided that I'm not living in sin) and since they are talking about moving back to their ranch in California that maybe, just maybe I can live at the Astoria place when I'm done with school.

I can also be with the horses, be next door to my best friend, and see if C and I can handle a semi long distance relationship.

BUT...

Living with them is going to drive me crazy. It's not that they're bad people or anything, just the normal level of crazy. But I am really independent so this is pretty much major pride swallowing going on here.

Back to dial up internet, which needless to say will drive me insane. Getting a laptop and wi-fi is going to be a priority.

A lot less of C.

And no stripping, it's pretty much out of the question. Maybe when I make trips to see C I can turn it into a little business trip too, and if they are out of town I MIGHT try Annie's in Astoria (I'd feel better about it if I had a wig, and took a cab there so there is no recognizable car) when they're out of town as I hear it's good money but damn the prospect of running into old high school teachers and such at a strip club with a trashy reputation is not so appealing to me.

So, that's that. I'm in search for a job in the area and will be moving sometime around the 15th.

Last night I got really upset over a lot of stuff and finally snapped when I realized that my roommates had moved some of my stuff into the garage. Long story short they are awful and this irritated me because they constantly have all kinds of shit laying around but I leave a couple things out in the living room and it gets sent to the garage. Never mind that they have pans that have been sitting out for months and deodorant on the floor and oh yeah they don't clean it up completely nor immediately when their puppy takes a shit on the floor.

Anyway, that's not the point.

I almost screamed at the roommate that walked in right when I noticed this and C grabbed me and calmed me down and after a while we started talking about a bunch of long term kind of stuff. A few days ago he sent me a text saying "Ive got a surprise 4 us so u need to get the 1st and prob 2nd of sept off". My first thought was that maybe we were going to go somewhere and he was going to propose but he made it pretty clear last night that this is not the case.

It's really hard to get him to see things past a practical sense. We live with each other to save money, not so much because we want to be around each other all the time. If we were to get married, it would again be largely for financial reasons, never mind just wanting to get married.

Basically he said that he supposes we'll get married if I get on him about it but it bothers him that it's expensive and a religious ceremony.

So's Christmas?

So I guess my cheesy girly vision of the whole proposal thing with some cheesy way of asking and all that is blown to pieces. I already figured if he didn't ask me by our three year anniversary (April 3) then I'd ask him myself but I'd kind of rather not.

I don't know.

IDK how to do a cut thing, so here you go in all its wordy glory.

40 secrets about yourself.
Honesty is the best policy!

[one] have you ever been asked out?
Yes

[two] where was your default picture taken?
Self portrait, so I guess the art room at AHS?

[three] what's your middle name?
Amanda

[four] your current relationship status?
serious relationship

[five] does your crush like you back?
Don't have one

[six]what is your current mood?
Massive craving for a crispy chicken sandwich

[seven] what color of underwear are you wearing?
White with stripes

[eight] what color shirt are you wearing?
Red with stripes

[nine] Missing something?
My little stripper notebook that I keep track of customers in :(

[ten] if you could go back in time and change something, what would you do?
I would've been more careful with my money

[eleven] if you must be an animal for one day, what?
Cliche but I guess a bird would be pretty cool

[twelve] ever had a near death experience?
Almost drowned when I was little

[thirteen] something you do a lot?
stripperweb

[fourteen] the song stuck in your head?
Earlier it was "so rich so pretty" by Mickey Avalon

[fifteen] who did you copy and paste this from?
Molly

[sixteen] name someone with the same birthday as you?
I don't know anyone

[seventeen] when was the last time you cried?
Yesterday

[eighteen] have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
yes

[nineteen] if you could have one super power what would it be?
reading minds, definitely. It would have its drawbacks but it would be worth it

[twenty] what's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Nothing in particular. Type I guess

[twenty-one] what do you usually order from starbucks?
latte I guess

[twenty-two] what's your biggest secret?
That I'm a stripper I guess, though a lot of people know that one. I just need my family to not know.

[twenty-three] favorite color?
I like all colors.

[twenty-four] do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?
A little

[twenty-five] what's on your walls?
Some posters I gave to Calvin- soundgarden, south park, a naked chick.

[twenty-six] what are you?
Finnish?

[twenty-seven] do you speak any other language?
Very bad spanish

[twenty-eight] what's your favorite smell?
horse

[twenty-nine] Describe your life in one word.
interesting

[thirty-one] have you ever kissed in the rain?
Very likely seeing as we live in Oregon and all

[thirty-two] what are you thinking about right now?
I'm wondering what C's surprise is

[thirty-three] what should you be doing?
cleaning

[thirty-four] who was the last person that made you upset/angry?
The owner of the club that I worked at last night. I made good money and it used to be I had to tip 10% each to bartender and DJ with a cap of $25. Apparently there is no cap anymore so it cost me almost a hundred bucks to work at that shithole.

[thirty-five] how often do you talk to God?
There's no atheists in foxholes...

[thirty-six] do you like working in the yard?
Yes.

[thirty-seven] if you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
After learning about Spallanzani in science, I figured it would be pretty cool to be named Bonnie Spallanzani. Really though, I want to marry C so that's the last name I want.

[thirty-eight] do you act differently around the person you like?
Not much

[thirty-nine] what is your natural hair color?
Dark brown.

[forty] who was the last person to make you cry?
C, but in a good way. He paid off my credit card debt o.O

So last night I worked with a girl who dances by Rain, whom I also danced with when I was at LaDonna's (no more of that, btw, that place is full of epic fail and epic LOLZ).

Back at LD's she somehow got hooked up to do a couple private parties with a couple other girls, and since then she's had requests rolling in since then which I find a little odd since she's not really the hottest chick I've ever seen but whatever. Anyway she needed more girls for a couple more parties and I said FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SIGN ME UP!!!

One of them is looking for about 4 girls and is paying $500 upfront per girl plus tips. The other is $200 which is a more average rate. One I think is a bachelor party and the other some sort of houseboat party.

We exchanged numbers and to make sure she wouldn't flake on me I offered to give her half of what I make for hooking me up but she said that wasn't necessary. So, if all goes well I'll be doing my first private party next weekend for much less work and much better pay than what I've been getting at the club lately. Yay!

I'm a little nervous but I'll be with my good friend Choe and Rain, plus Paige who also seems pretty cool and they've all done it before so it'll get me through.

Yay! I've been wanting to do this for a while. I love dancing at the club but this way I know I'll make at least x amount of money... unlike the last couple nights I've worked at the club where I made less than minimum wage because it was so damn dead.

I can't think of anything to write about. So enjoy looking at my ferret. Ferretey ferretey.

That is all.

I was in Oklahoma for three weeks, then I came back. I worked on Saturday night and did pretty well (about 1.5x my average plus there wasn't any excessively stupid people to deal with, which is very unusual on a Saturday night). Then I was really sore and worked on Sunday.

Went to flip myself upside down and felt my rib CRACK. I was ok for a bit but then it was so painful that I had to go home. Urgent care wasn't open so I waited until the next day to go in. It hurt to breathe. Even the doc thought I might've broken my rib so I had x rays but it turns out it's just a very badly pulled muscle. I am doped up on vicodin and some other strong albeit non narcotic painkiller. Yay. 'Probably going to be a good couple weeks before I can head back to work, which is sucky since I was already behind on bills from going to Oklahoma.

Anyway, if you haven't deleted me as a friend or something, could you post a comment? I think some people might have since I barely post on this thing lol. It would just be nice to know.

So my mom is like a fucking STALKER. She insisted that I didn't tell her where I work , so she found out from my sister, AND SENT MAIL TO ME, ADDRESSED TO MY WORK (my dog internship thing btw, not the stripping, which she is NEVER going to find out about ahaha).

In the past, she has sent stuff to/called various roommates I have. It's a little embarrassing to say the least. I mean the roommates don't matter so much, but way to make me look bad at my internship.

She basically thinks Calvin is answering my calls from her and hanging up on her (which the reason  a guy is answering and hanging up is because she has the WRONG NUMBER and I'm sure the poor guy, whoever he is, is sick of hearing from her) and thus probably stealing my mail too. She sent me mail from a fake return address in the hopes it would actually get to me and apparently decided to send it to my work as well.

Honestly I think she is losing it. She's 63 which IMO is not old enough to be losing it but there you go. Bad memory and all too. My sister and dad agree. So I'm trying to be patient about all this but I am ripping my hair out. Honestly I don't think I am going to tell her where I work or who I live with in the future because this is the shit she pulls.

I must sound like a terrible daughter, but I really needed a rant.

I feel awful for some reason.

Also I want my kicker check dammit! I don't really agree with just handing out a few hundred bucks to a shitload of people, but as long as they're going to anyway, then I want it to hurry up!

Finally, I applied here: inavalefarm.com
The dog boarding part. I felt good about it when I interviewed for it but now I have a sinking feeling I didn't get it, just like the other 39281 jobs I've applied for and was overqualified for and still didn't fucking get.

I am nice and a bit too much of a pushover, but I get bitchy when people watch the stage and don't tip. Dancers don't get a paycheck. If you don't want to get dances, fine, but if you can't cough up an appropriate tip of a dollar per song (kind of like tipping 15% at a restaurant) then you have no business in a strip club.

The way my club is set up, there isn't a "rack" or a "tip rail"... there is a stage with tables and chairs scattered around. Normally I like this because guys feel like real assholes if they're not tipping, but of course there's always the ballsier ones.

This guy comes and sits on a bench and I'm watching him... and he doesn't tip. I do my set, still no tip. I wasn't the first girl either, I knew he hadn't tipped anyone, not even the bartender and it wasn't even like he was off in a corner either, he was right next to the stage.

I go up at the end of my set, and say in a playful sort of voice, "you're not going to tip me???"

He goes OH uh... I have these four quarters, you want them?

I raise my eyebrows and say, uh, no thanks. Enter the dressing room. I was talking to a dancer about him saying that if he was still there on my next set I'd tell him that if he can't cough up a measly couple bucks that I would tell him to leave my stage and go sit in the corner with his dunce hat on.

Then it occurred to me to actually make him a dunce hat.

Got a piece of paper, some tape and a marker and made a hat that said "I'm a strip club DUNCE (I tried to tip a dancer with 4 quarters)(and barely tipped anyone else)"

In this situation I normally would've given a dirty look or if feeling particularly vindictive would've taken his beer and said "thanks for the tip!". But this guy is so cheap he's not even drinking beer, he's drinking water which is free at our club.

So I have a hat for him. The timing was difficult forever because FOR THE LOVE OF GOD some idiot dancer is sitting with him for absolutely nothing for at least an hour, and I didn't want to make her mad by giving him his hat when she was right there and possibly piss him off enough to make him leave.

Ended up deciding to wait for her to go up on stage. But he went to leave before that, so I chased after him. I yelled "wait up!"

He stopped and I said "you have a prize."

"a prize?"

"yes, a very special prize that is rarely given out, in fact you're the very first person to every get this prize"

Plopped it on his head, said "there you go", whipped around and walked back on the floor. Didn't get to see his face but another dancer that was watching was laughing her ass off.

Woo, that was long. The end.